| My so-called String Cheese Problems |
I have been on a kick lately with having my snack in the evening be a glass of kool-aid, milk, whatever, and a stick of string cheese. I love the string cheese! It's gotten to the point where it must be kept in the house and I'm trying to inflict it onto my child. I think it's that I've always loved the cheese, but then when I got pregnant it had to be mozzarella cheese sticks, cheesy bread sticks, calzones or pizzas. I was on a total dairy kick, 2 gallons in a weekend thanks, and eventhough I've always been a dairy type of girl with my milk and such I just chalked it up to pregnancy cravings.
So, Jared is now like the Nazi of Cheese Sticks, always checking what's in my hand in the evening when we snack and watch a show, making comments, etc. He's now uberly concerned about my bowel movements as he can't imagine someone who has a cheese stick in the evenings or day can not be constipated. Now, I really think that is a very private and I don't care if we're married type of discussion to have with someone and I don't share my bodily function schedule with my husband. Infact the night before I went into labor I prayed to please let me poop before going in to be induced so that I didn't shit on the table as I pushed my son out. (My Mom pooped having my sister and my Dad has never let her forget about it, or anyone else, as he frequently says, "Are we sure they kept the baby and not the poop?") So even if I was constipated I wouldn't be walking through the house doing a little wiggle or rubbing my ass on the carpet complaining about how, to quote dear hubby last night "plugged up" I am. It's just gross to even think that that I would be that mannerly. Yes labor kind of shot my modesty all to hell to some extent, but not my manners especially where bodily functions are concerned.
I'm now WebMding and Googling to see, because I'm sure I read somewhere that cheese does not make you constipated and you'd have to eat about 4 cheese wheels in order to get in a "bad way". I am having no luck because all I get is the new Activia stuff to keep you regular with their special overpriced yogurts and now cheese chunks. Maybe buying those would get him off my back, or I could just lie and tell him they're that type. But then he'd think I'd switched because I was constipated. It's a lose/lose situation here. Seriously. It's not like I'm on crack, just Kraft! |
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| I Never Knew, Jell-o turns your Diapies Blue! |
My Mom made Jell-o Jigglers for Kyan the other day when she knew he was coming over. Of course anything wiggly and bright he's going to go for, and surprisingly he didn't play with it for 20 minutes before putting it in his mouth, he just shovelled them in one after the other until his cheeks were puffed. We now have a new and different food to snack on, yay! So I had to leave him with her again on Tuesday when I went for my follow-up Dr's appointment and she had made him blue and green jiggler squares. We ended up staying late because Jared was doing our taxes and he kept grunting and groaning for the jigglers and since jell-o isn't fattening or bad for you (not that I know of atleast) we let him have it! Yesterday morning we woke up and after eating breakfast I knew in a few minutes we'd have a stinky diaper smell lingering in the living room because if anything my kid has always been a "regular" sorta guy. So like clockwork I went upstairs to put away some clothes and came back down to that little lovely aroma of "Get the baby wipes out, it's going to be a good one!" I lay Kyan on his back and we giggle as I tickle his legs when removing his p.j. bottoms, which is a cover so that A.) he won't take the diaper off himself immediately as he can get to the tabs and B.) So that my eyes won't start to water if it's a REAL doozie of a diapie! I open it up thinking it won't be bad because the odor is hardly noticable now, and as soon as I peeked inside my head immediately did that sideways cocked thing with the brows furrowing. It was a lovely teal shade! What in the world couldn't done that?! So I think back and no there were no crayons around him, no candles, nothing that any of our dogs ate through the years that we noticed made their BM's any different... and then it hits me... blue and green jell-o jigglers!!! It all made sense! I guess he at a little too much jiggles because all day, variations of blue and green and teal, and even when he pooped while Jared was giving him a bath I knew it was still coming out rainbows because I heard the hubby say, "What in the bloody hel--it's BLUE!!" And with a giggle I just kept on about my business like it was old news. Today we're going to eat red and blue jigglers because not only do I love my son enough to make him jell-o that takes almost all night to set up correctly, but because I want to see if red and blue make purple in the jello poop equation. |
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| My kid bonds with the dreadlock cashier at Target. |
We have this kid that my Mom and Sister first started talking about working at our Target. The kid is just out of High School and he's got a bowl cut of dreads but he's as white as they come and probably came from an upper class family. He's a little quirky but he's really polite and he always has a 10 minute conversation with you when you get in his line. My Mom and Sister became big fans of his when he first started working there and his hair was evolving into dreads (it was braided dreads, then just chunky spikes, now dready) and he checked them out. The next time we went there he was pointed out to me and the whole story was told and since then we try to go to his register as much as possible.
Now, Kyan is a good judge of character and he's easy to know if he likes someone and this kid has grown on him really fast. Tonight he did his usual jibber jabber and a "bub-bye!" as we left, mainly because he was getting a Pooh Valentine book and was eager to show that he was getting it to whomever was the first person he saw and it just happend to be Dreadboy. Kyan was thirsty since we'd had a pretzel while we were taking a walking/shopping hiatus and so I bought him and I a drink to refil his sippy. We're checking out and he gave the kid his book to scan and the kid in turn is asking him if he's a Pooh fan (Kyan says, "Pooh!") and then the kid says he can have it back and he won't bag it so Kyan takes it back and he goes for his sippy and takes a sip as the kid comments on how he likes the pirate sippy cup and then... in a flash... the bonding occurs...
Kyan offers his sippy to Dreadboy! I think this is the first "stranger/aquiantance" he's deemed fit to have a sip of the sippy, which is scary and nice all in one!
Dreadboy in true cool fashion says, "Nah man, that's cool you offered but I just had a drink and it was most refreshing. I'm good. You just work on it for the both of us." and then with a giggle, a bub-bye, wave and a "stay cool" from Dreadboy we were off to the car to pick up Daddy. |
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| Jon and Kate + 8 is my new favorite show ever! |
I seriously am in love with Jon and Kate + 8. Like, I can't wait for Monday nights anymore and I get upset when it's a rerun but still watch it. I think that the fact that the Douggar family had a special about their 17th baby on afterwards tonight was just a bonus. It just really tickles me for some odd reasons. Jared doesn't watch it because he just doesn't see my interest in it, but Kyan and I love it!
Kyan seems to have a crush on Alexis, Hannah, and Leah (the 3 little girl septuplets) and I think it's just because they're more his age, not that older girls aren't also a big thing to him (Sorry Cara and Mady)! He's into a girl mode right now and we have to almost throw a pillow in his direction to distract him when any type of commercial for women comes on. He also likes fictional little baby girls and literally is getting chapped lips from kissing the baby in one of his Goodnight books! I almost googled the age restrictions for chapstick for him!
So, every Monday night we get our bath in and settle into our chair with a yogurt smootie and a banana or other snack (Kate shares my 100% fruit juice, organic, healthy kid food diet and I love that about her even if she's a fanatic where as I'm only partially into the organic part as of right now) and we sit down to watch the "8". Kyan really sits and watches it until they are doing something like playing outdoors and then he's up and literally almost inside the tv screen. He smiles and looks back at me and he really digs the kids. I swear if they had a way to make a playdate with the Gosselin 6, I'd be at the front door, and I'd even let Kate leave and I'd watch the kids for her! That's how much my kid enjoys her kids!
My Mamaw watches it and although her 8 kids were all one at a time, she still gets a kick out of it. (Although she thinks Jon gets a rough deal sometimes. hahaha) Seriously we recap the episodes when we're together and it's hysterical. I just love that they lay it on the line and it's not fake and it's cute but not staged. Seriously it's on my must see tv list! (And I think Jared thinks it's birth control to an extent eventhough I still watch A Baby Story and he thinks that it's helping me overcome my bad birth experience with Kyan but it's just making me have a to do list and time line. lol.) |
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| I hate a haircut that doesn't look right two weeks later! |
I got my hair hacked off for New Years because there just wasn't a style to it anymore. I hate pulling it up or back day in and out. It's like when you don't go out for a while and you put on make-up and you just slather it on without feeling and wish you had when you hit daylight.
I wanted a change and when I got it I felt naked. Where did my hair go?! But I was assured that it looked right by my husband, my mom, sister, etc. and eventually I got used to it. I even started to like it! I liked the way it flipped, the way it didn't take forever to dry or to style. I didn't really care that I couldn't was and go with it curly without looking like Hiroshima when the A-Bomb was blowing. So as the weeks went by slowly the curl and flip stopped and I couldn't really get it to hold a style. I think it's because my hair grows out to the side and now long downwards, a great genetic mystery from my Mom's side. Now I can't even pin up the sides or top without it looking huge and bank teller-ish. This after only a few weeks! I'm used to the 1 month - 2 month hair cut, 3 if I'm busy. I'm used to being able to control it as much as I can without it rebelling too much, but no. I have the anarchist hair cut from hell. I hate it because I specifically said, "Please blend it so when it grows out it won't look bad!" and was reassured with the "I've been cutting hair for the past decade and I know what you mean. I have the same problem!" which I should've thought odd from the stick straight hair of the beautician. So now, I'm sitting in hot rollers, with gel on hand, trying to get a style that's okay so I can run to the store. |
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| My biological clock is giving me a migraine.. |
My biological clock is giving me a migraine. Seriously. I don't mean to be repetitious, but when you have a clock that's ticking away at you like a time bomb day in and day out you kinda get comfortable with something being continuous. I think it really isn't even because the Dr and my health are now a big role in my reproductive decisions, because I was getting baby fever long before that, it's just that now I've had 5 people have new babies in the past 2 months and know atleast 4 that are currently pregnant. Really it hit home for me when my cousin found out she was definately having a girl, which I knew she probably was anyways just on a hunch. So I went out to Target the other day to get Kyan some pants while they were clearancing out things, and I saw this little rainbow shirt for a little girl and I knew I had to buy it for Ava (the name of impending cousin). A few days later I went back and found that mostly all the stuff at Target for babies is down to $4-$1 for onesies, blankies, etc. and I started shoving things in the cart to the tune of $13 worth. Not a big deal by any great margin, but wait... So I saw this little onsie that is absolutely cute, oldfashioned and $1.50. Perfect! I count up what size for next fall since it's long sleeved and threw it in the buggy. Then I threw in another in newborn size. I go past blankets and see one that has cupcakes and is pink with the logo "Cutie Pie" on it. In it goes. Then a purple fleece with butterflies that will match perfectly with a quilt I made many moons ago. Yes, it's now become things that I want for my daughter should I EVER have her. See, this has been going on since Kyan. Yes, I knew from conception that I was having a little boy pretty much. I never looked at pink things, I never refered to him as "her" or said, "But it could be a she!" and the first jumper I ever bought said "Mommy's Little Boy". My sister did find a hat she couldn't resist for a little girl with butterflies and I put it a box with my butterfly quilt and put it away. So now I have this bag with girl items in it that I don't want to give away, yes I feel selfish, and now all I can think about is pink. My biological clock is now ticking like someone is taking a slegehammer to it! I can't think about anything else! I have sex and think, "gee.. if I got pregnant tonight I'd be due around...." or "Kyan's getting old enough to deal with a new baby. He loves little babies!" and then I get remorseful and think, "No. It's my cousin's turn to have the new baby." Or "Kyan is my baby and needs more time with Mommy and Daddy before we make it a duo." Then I see those baby blankets and they practically glow at me and now I feel like they're mocking me even. I mean, what if Jared only shoots boys? What if I have a closet full of girls stuff eventually and a housefull of boys?! What if I pin my hopes on the next pregnancy and hear, "It's a boy!" and will I feel like I need to grieve for lost hopes?! That's not fair! It's also not fair to have a girls name you'll never use, and I'm not going to be like some people and use it on a dog! lol. It's just all so much to consider! Seriously! I guess for now I'll just have to keep popping tylenol and stop looking at pregnant women/websites/etc. which will never happen because I'm surrounded by them and they're all taunting me, or are they haunting me?
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| But it's not THE SAME!!! |
Jared sold his car back in November and ever since we've been working off of just my Jeep. So from 6-5 every day I am sitting here without any type of transportation and with the onset of Winter, not even the ability to walk outside with Kyan anywhere without fear of slipping on ice or catching a cold. I hate the fact that I don't have a car, and maybe that is me being spoiled or atleast what I feel like it means, because I'm not used to not being able to go anywhere unless I wait and ask permission almost to go to the grocery store from a tired, worked all day husband who doesn't really want to baby sit while I go buy our necessities. It really sucks.
I know my Mom did this while we were growing up, and eventhough Jared promises that soon he's going to buy us a car (only he's really unrealistic about it and instead of buying a car that I want him to buy off of my parent's neighbors that has some miles but is in okay shape, he thinks he has to buy something over priced or from a dealer. I hate his attitude towards cars and practicality sometimes because it seems like he has none) I just really dislike the fact that it's such a big issue with us, especially on the weekends. It's not like I even want a car that badly! The point is that when I have the opportunity on the weekends, I want to go somewhere, I don't even tell him how frustrated it is that both he and Kyan go too like my entourage and security team, but I just want to go out amongst people.
Tonight, yet another issue. We drove 2 hours and got out of the car for about 10 minutes. He needed a wrench at Sears and the whole time I was under the impression that we would be stopping for dinner because:
- Kyan needed to eat
- We always go and eat as a family somewhere on the weekend
- He wouldn't complain that the kitchen was messy because I had to cook
- I would get a break from cooking a meal atleast once this weekend.
So in our attempts to have a weekend of not arguing, we have failed. It just isn't fair that he thinks everything is because I want a car when it's that he doesn't get what it is like to sit here in theses walls and see one day roll into the next and not be able to go anywhere or really even step outside for too long. What I really resent the most is the fact that he always says, "Well You wanted to be a housewife!" Yes, I wanted to be one and I wanted to take care of our son, but I also didn't know that me being one would make him and instant ass at times. He doesn't get what it's like, he's not realistic about goals for the day, and he doesn't get that when I signed up for this I didn't know it was like being on house arrest almost and being caged makes me feel resentful towards him when he gets mad or huffy on the weekend and we argue. It sucks. But what sucks even more is the fact that then after we fight he comes and hugs me hours later and apologizes when all I want him to do is just quit it from the beginning so we wouldn't do this at all! It makes me feel spoiled and ungrateful that he allows me to stay home and raise Kyan as I wanted to. Then again, it makes me feel repressed because I shouldn't feel like he allows me to do anything. I'm just really fed up of not having a partner who understands or takes the time to listen while I'll express or explain how I feel to him. I just wish he'd understand that what his ideas of "my problem" is not the same as the actual reality of the problem. I also hate how now everytime I answer the phone he automatically asks what my problem is because now I sound bitchy on the phone. Never in my life has someone insinuated or flat out accused me of being a bitch or bitchy as it has been since we got married, seriously! And if I joke with him, then I'm being a smart ass, but if I don't joke..hahaHA! I'm being a bitch! It's just a never ending cycle of miscommunication and inability to communicate. So now we sit, floors apart, as our child meows and plays. Wonderful weekends we have! |
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| It's Time Away Day! |
I guess when you're a Mom you start to feel like you can't go anywhere without your entourage and their luggage. How many times have I wished I could just zip in and out of a store without having to unhook a carseat from my child (because it feels more like you're taking it off them than taking them out of it.), grabbing the baby bag, getting a buggy, hooking them into it, forgetting what you came in for, grabbing other things you suddenly need because you don't want to have to come back out and repeat steps 1-4 all over again, all to come home and tell your husband what you wish and he looks at you like an unfit mother (Eventhough you're with your child 24/7 refilling sippies, getting snacks, changing diapers, bathing, napping, and attending to every whim or every no-no that is occuring and kicking yourself when crackers get stomped into the carpet because you turned your back for 2 seconds to go and get yourself a drink.) or he doesn't understand because he doesn't have a mind that "What if's" and thinks about nothing but how it will effect your child or their routine that he can't shut off.
I think when the cord is cut, it's not to separate you as one being who now has to guide the part of her she has created into being his/her own unique person in their life and protect them, love them, provide and care for them. No. It's a stopper really. It takes all of that incubating that you did for 9 months and instead of flowing into your child like it has done for said 9 months it says, "Wait! I have nowhere to go?! I'll just funnel back into the mother!" and all that love and nurturing shoots back inside you and into your brain and your emotions and says "WAIT!! HE'S GONE! HE'S NOT INSIDE ANYMORE! HE'S ACTUALLY OUT WHERE HE CAN GET BRUISE, BUMPED, SCRAPED, COLD, TIRED, HOT, CRANKY, BLAH BLAH BLAH.. " and suddenly every table in your house has razor sharp speared corners and isn't tall enough, the crib that is for his safe sleeping is suddenly a deathtrap that needs bumpers (breathable!), and softer sheets, and no pillows or stuffed animals that could suffocate. It just never ends! And Dads don't get it! They don't get that you just can't go into Target or Pier 1 and pick out a new end table or lamp because instead of envisioning how it would work with the decor of your living room you look at it as a ticking clock as to how long it would last before it was knocked over, shattering the lightbulb and all it's fragments, that you have to now vacuum up so nobody's foot gets sliced. They think you're just negative, not in the mood, and pessimistic. Sigh.
So tonight is Time Away Night, a new idea from the other half on how to improve our relationship. The idea is that he goes somewhere with his friend(s) and you go and do something with your friend(s) and thus spend time apart so that you're not cutting into each other too bad and nit picking and the like. I will be going to dinner with my friends and sister, while he goes and works on a car with his friend. Now, this sounds like a nice idea because not only do I get out of the house that I don't get out of Monday through Friday for lack of a car now, but because I don't have to have a reason like grocery shopping to get out on my own or to get out of the house period where I'm followed by a big guy and a little guy who both start whining or pouting at some point and the dinner we eat out at for a treat later isn't me ordering for myself and for my child, feeding him and making sure he doesn't soak himself in ketchup or make a mess for the waitress to clean up, but also timing everything so we can entertain while we wait for our order, while the hubby sits like a bump on the log, complaining how he can't find anything in the baby bag and giving up after 2 seconds of looking at the items on top before shoving it your way for you to do.
The flaws in this plan is that I get to take Kyan with me. Don't get me wrong! I love spending time out of the house with Kyan eventhough he's attached to me like glue most of my life! But, there's a time where I think, "Why can't you just take your son by yourself for once, not only to see what it's like, but to bond with him?" I want Time Away to be actual time away from both of them, but with the idea that not only do I not have to call and check in or feel like if I'm away too long I'll come home to a wound up and cranky toddler but a pissed off husband who disappears for freedom when I walk in the door again.
Nevertheless, I am excited to have tonight to go and visit, and I am happy because they don't get to see Kyan often enough with their work schedules and things, and my sister is coming to hang out too so it'll be nice to get to be there and have some girl talk, even if I'll be subconciously thinking, "Should I order the fries because I know he'll eat them, or not becuase I know he'll have ketchup covering his arms, head, and any extremity that he can grab on the people sitting near him?" |
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| I wish McDonald's Chicken McNuggies Made Life Happy For Me too! |
I wish all it too to brighten my day was a Chicken McNugget from Mickey D's. Seriously. We took Kyan to get some lunch today so my Mom and sister could see him (egads they haven't seen him in almost a week! j/k. LOVE YOU!) and we thought for a change we'd see if he'd eat a cheeseburger. I even told them "with ketchup" as an incentive for him to wolf it down because he would pretty much eat tree bark if it was slathered in ketchupy goodness. No deal. He proceeded to tear the table up almost to get to my "McNuggies". The delight in his face was unreal when I said, "Okay. You can have one!" and he quickly started to scarf almost my entire 10 piece (I'm not a hog, I just anticipated that he'd not eat the burger and want the nuggets so instead of purchasing myself some and then going back up to get him some while my fries got cold and disgusting I just told them to lay the big boy on me.) Why is someone almost elated to the point of peeing their pants (and who know! He could've! He's in diapers! How would we know the point of peeing?!) over some deep fried artery cloggers?! Yes he's excited about the fries and the paper buckets for the ketchup to dunk, and even the milk shakes, but the nuggets are like heroin to the poor kid. It's not like we go there alot either! My Mom takes him maybe once every two months or so and we never eat there as a family because Jared swears up and down they used sausage patties on his Big Mac once and he will no longer eat there. But wouldn't it be great if you had something that made you that happy (well... I do almost orgasm when Jared offers for us to eat at Long John Silvers. He's not a big fan but I am almost obsessed!), something so simple? |
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| Watching Elmo everyday makes me realize how people thought "Yeah, that Charlie Manson, not so bad of a guy if you hang around him enough?" |
Kyan is hopelessly obessed with ELMO!! What started out with a normal 11 a.m. Sesame Street viewing daily progressed to a talking Elmo doll my Mom picked up somewhere that he started carrying around and hugging (much to our pleading for him to give Elmo a rest because we were tired of hearing "ELMO LOVES YOU! ELMO LOVES YOU! YOU'RE ELMO'S SWEETHEART! HEEHEEHEEHEE!" every 5 seconds.) and loving Elmo. Then he learned to say Elmo, which sounds like Mama sometimes but always followed with a smile and giggle. I gotta say that I started to feel like, eh.. maybe it's not so bad!
For Christmas my sister wanted to buy him a lift-a-flap book because he absolutely loves them! He gets so excited to look under the flap and even more excited that he's a big boy and can lift them himself and that you encourage him. She got on Amazon and found a book about Elmo and his blankie with over 35 flaps! We now have to hide this every evening around 6 p.m. because we've read the book so many times in the course of the day that we want to cry when we see him bring it to us and he cries when we say, "Oh! You have sooo many books! Let's give Elmo a rest!"
The obsession continued one day while we were in Target and I told Jared to take him and walk him around since they were really not busy and he didn't need to just stay in the buggy and give me the mad face because I was taking too much time picking out new sippy cups. He came walking back in the isle a few minutes later, followed by Daddy, clutching a smaller Elmo doll. I looked at Jared with a pure "What the-- Where did he find? Why did you let him?" look and he said, "You know, I turned to pick something else up for him to look at and suddenly he was hugging Elmo. So we did what we do on any trip, take it to the cashier and distract him while we tell them to hide it because we don't want it, only this time Daddy was in a rush and said, "Let's just get it and make him happy for the ride home!" and I caved while wrestling him back into his coat/hat/mittens and said, "If it's not over 7 or 8 bucks, then okay, just hurry because he hates this suit and we need to get home!" $9.99 + tax later we were all happy in the car with a new furry red monster sitting in the arms of our little monster.
Now, I really don't mind Elmo, or never did until I had Kyan. Then after a while the helium voice gets on your nerves and you think, "Why could he love The Count? Now there is a fun guy!" or "Oscar is the greatest! Why can't he want to be a grouch?!" And yes, he does try to say Big Bird (BeBah!) and we get wild over Cookie Monster "COOK!" when we find out what the Letter of the Day is! But after soooooo much little furry "Elmo's World" at the last 20 minutes of the show a day, and the toy cell phone my Mamaw found for him that sings the theme song and does all types of other sounds and things, you can't help but lay down in bed at night thinking, "I hummed that stupid "Elmo loves his goldfish! His crayon too! That's Elmos's World!!!!!" while doing dishes, after his bath, to get him calmed down to sleep, WHY CAN'T I QUIT!!!????!!!
So the other day we were watching it and having a few crackers when I heard that familiar "la-la-lala-la-la-lala-Elmo's World" coming on and since he was having an off day and just wanted to cuddle up, we sat in our chair and watched all about "Bananas!" (a great show since he's a banana freak!) and then at the end we sang the Banana song, which is the word Banana (or whatever the topic is of the day) said over and over again and nothing else to the tune of Jingle Bells. Yeah. Ingenius! And then at the end Kyan got really antsy, which worried me because he really wasn't feeling all to well so for him to be squirming and wanting off my lap made me a little nervous. But instead of throwing up, or crying, or whatever he was going to do, he got up and went to the toy box and found his smaller Elmo doll. He hugged it and went over to the TV and danced a little and then waited... and finally.... Elmo came over to the screen and said, "Elmo loves you!" and Kyan got really excited and hugged his doll and giggled at me and then kissed the screen. (and this is why I wash our tv screen daily)
And it really dawned on me that yea... he is annoying... and yes he really doesn't teach you correct grammar or atleast that the words "I" and "Me" exist... but he makes my little boy feel good for a few minutes out of every day when I may be busy doing dishes or cleaning up the rest of the living room or whatever and can't be right there interacting with him. And I know that there are things that Sesame Street has taught him because we were no where near working on sounds that animals make, only what animals were what, and he busts out a string of "Moo!Moo!" at the California Cheese commercial one day. Now we've moved onto saying "meow!" at the Friskies commerical.
It just really makes you think that us Mom's tolerate alot of stuff with our kids and their likes,dislikes, phases, etc. but it could be a lot worse. Like think of the Mother who said, "Yeah, from what I hear her new friend, What was his name? Manson? Charlie? Something like that, seems to be an okay guy." I bet she wished her kid was only brainwashed by a red monster with a squeeky voice and a goldfish named Dorothy. |
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| First Post of the New Year because I'm a Slacker. |
Things have been hectic around here like you would not believe. It's like if anything could possibly go askew, it has or is about to. I can just feel things that are still on the cusp of sliding downwards.
I think I need my thyroid tested. It's not the I'm a hypocondriac because if there is anything in this world that I hate worse than balloons, it's needles and medical things that are sharp and can poke me of any kind. I've been reading all these articles about how most women, especially after birth, don't realize that they aren't just fatigued from having a child and that adjustment, but also because they may have a thyroid condition that needs adjusting. On top of that I'm scheduled for my asthma follow up on Tuesday and this will determine if I need allergy tests, an EKG, and what medications I'll be on for the rest of my life. Whooptie doo. It's not that I don't want to be healthy, it's that a person has plans for their life and scheduling medications every day when you're only 25 is a bit of a nerve thing even when you think of all the advancements even in the past year in this disease, but to think that for the rest of your life you have to take a pill or an inhaler just to function normally and not to mention the effect it has on any plans for more children and other things people take for granted.
It's funny how they tell you that you will probably be high risk, if it is recommended that you get pregnant again at all that puts you into full "I WANT A BABY!" mode. It's on your mind during sex, it's now a constant on my t.v. that at 2 p.m. A Baby Story comes on automatically, and it's almost as if your mind goes into a grieving process for a baby you still could have. Names for babies you want to have circle your head and you just want to shut them out or you think of the name you gave your child and you think, "Wow. If I had known that this would be the only baby I named, I would've given him 6 middle names and not just 2." And then you start thinking crazy things like, "If I could just have one more... let it be a girl." and then you change your mind becuase you have such a good boys name you really want to use, only to change it again because your husband doesn't like your names and then change it again because it doesn't really matter if it's a boy or girl only that it's healthy and you are able to have it.
Then you start thinking of everything else that comes with thinking of a new baby. Is it the right time? When is the right time? You're never ready for a baby! What about your marriage and face it, that's a sticky unsteady subject to begin with. It's just really unsettling to think and plan and have all these things going on and it's only January so you can't imagine what the new year is going to bring when only the first few weeks are stressfilled. |
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Alias: SNM
Hometown: Farmington, WV, United States
About Me: SMN is currently a S@HM who resides in the Senior Citizen capital of the world. Amongst her many talents are writing, tiptoeing through the mind field that is her living room, saving run away strollers, lacing any comment with sarcasm, and changing a diaper in 10 seconds flat. Her greatest achievements are birthing Thing One and Thing Two. Ongoing projects include diving into the world of blogging, weaning an aggressive breast feeder, parenting and all it's challenges, and being a wife she can live with (as well as her husband).
See my profile...
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