I guess when you're a Mom you start to feel like you can't go anywhere without your entourage and their luggage. How many times have I wished I could just zip in and out of a store without having to unhook a carseat from my child (because it feels more like you're taking it off them than taking them out of it.), grabbing the baby bag, getting a buggy, hooking them into it, forgetting what you came in for, grabbing other things you suddenly need because you don't want to have to come back out and repeat steps 1-4 all over again, all to come home and tell your husband what you wish and he looks at you like an unfit mother (Eventhough you're with your child 24/7 refilling sippies, getting snacks, changing diapers, bathing, napping, and attending to every whim or every no-no that is occuring and kicking yourself when crackers get stomped into the carpet because you turned your back for 2 seconds to go and get yourself a drink.) or he doesn't understand because he doesn't have a mind that "What if's" and thinks about nothing but how it will effect your child or their routine that he can't shut off.

I think when the cord is cut, it's not to separate you as one being who now has to guide the part of her she has created into being his/her own unique person in their life and protect them, love them, provide and care for them. No. It's a stopper really. It takes all of that incubating that you did for 9 months and instead of flowing into your child like it has done for said 9 months it says, "Wait! I have nowhere to go?! I'll just funnel back into the mother!" and all that love and nurturing shoots back inside you and into your brain and your emotions and says "WAIT!! HE'S GONE! HE'S NOT INSIDE ANYMORE! HE'S ACTUALLY OUT WHERE HE CAN GET BRUISE, BUMPED, SCRAPED, COLD, TIRED, HOT, CRANKY, BLAH BLAH BLAH.. " and suddenly every table in your house has razor sharp speared corners and isn't tall enough, the crib that is for his safe sleeping is suddenly a deathtrap that needs bumpers (breathable!), and softer sheets, and no pillows or stuffed animals that could suffocate. It just never ends! And Dads don't get it! They don't get that you just can't go into Target or Pier 1 and pick out a new end table or lamp because instead of envisioning how it would work with the decor of your living room you look at it as a ticking clock as to how long it would last before it was knocked over, shattering the lightbulb and all it's fragments, that you have to now vacuum up so nobody's foot gets sliced. They think you're just negative, not in the mood, and pessimistic. Sigh.

So tonight is Time Away Night, a new idea from the other half on how to improve our relationship. The idea is that he goes somewhere with his friend(s) and you go and do something with your friend(s) and thus spend time apart so that you're not cutting into each other too bad and nit picking and the like. I will be going to dinner with my friends and sister, while he goes and works on a car with his friend. Now, this sounds like a nice idea because not only do I get out of the house that I don't get out of Monday through Friday for lack of a car now, but because I don't have to have a reason like grocery shopping to get out on my own or to get out of the house period where I'm followed by a big guy and a little guy who both start whining or pouting at some point and the dinner we eat out at for a treat later isn't me ordering for myself and for my child, feeding him and making sure he doesn't soak himself in ketchup or make a mess for the waitress to clean up, but also timing everything so we can entertain while we wait for our order, while the hubby sits like a bump on the log, complaining how he can't find anything in the baby bag and giving up after 2 seconds of looking at the items on top before shoving it your way for you to do.

The flaws in this plan is that I get to take Kyan with me. Don't get me wrong! I love spending time out of the house with Kyan eventhough he's attached to me like glue most of my life! But, there's a time where I think, "Why can't you just take your son by yourself for once, not only to see what it's like, but to bond with him?" I want Time Away to be actual time away from both of them, but with the idea that not only do I not have to call and check in or feel like if I'm away too long I'll come home to a wound up and cranky toddler but a pissed off husband who disappears for freedom when I walk in the door again.

Nevertheless, I am excited to have tonight to go and visit, and I am happy because they don't get to see Kyan often enough with their work schedules and things, and my sister is coming to hang out too so it'll be nice to get to be there and have some girl talk, even if I'll be subconciously thinking, "Should I order the fries because I know he'll eat them, or not becuase I know he'll have ketchup covering his arms, head, and any extremity that he can grab on the people sitting near him?"