| Babies anyone? |
I officially stopped taking my BC Pills as of about two weeks ago. Nobody ever told me how hard it would be coming down off of those things! It's enough to make me consider never going back on them and looking into alternatives! Not only did I have hot flashes like crazy but my moodiness was horrible. I'd yell or cry about something and wonder as I was doing it, what the hell is wrong that I'm doing this?! Fortunately it was only aimed at miscellaneous people, like bad drivers and inconsiderate men who can't hold a door open for a lady and her baby stroller (which, I do that all the time anyways, just not at the degree that I openly say something about chivalry and teaching my son manners) and of course Jared. Poor fellow.
Today was a bad day, but I'm not sure it was the lack of pills talking because I've been pretty good this week. Every little thing bothered me in the past 24 hours!
Last night we were talking about how I definately want a different birth plan for our second child. He said one slightly defensive thing and I cried for 10 minutes.
Today I got in the car to pick up pizza for dinner and noticed that for the second time this week I got in to an empty gas tank. Not a big deal, only it was raining and I didn't want to pump gas, and I'm so busy budgeting and gas prices are atleast 10 cents higher in our county vs. where he works and it's beyond me why on a day that he came home early he couldn't put cheaper gas in the car.
I also noticed cupcake wrappers on the passenger side floorboards from where he had them for breakfast this past week. Not that I'm not making him take a vitamin at dinner now a days and this is unhealthy, but it's that he's driving my car and when I leave an empty drink container in there he talks about how I "live" in the car and yet he can do this.
Then.. I come home and he had taken Kyan around the block on a walk like I asked him to. I was happy and surprised he actually did this. Then he says how they took the trash out and Kyan drug my mop, which was outside drying out, down to the dumpster for him. HE THREW IT AWAY!!! It was outside drying out in the fresh air after I had used it yesterday and was waiting to use it after dinner tonight since Kyan was being finicky and throwing food on the floor today, and he just up and threw it away. BRAND NEW I might add. Not more than a month or two old!
I did check my anger. I told him I wasn't mad, he just frustrates me, and not to mess with my things or atleast ASK before he does. And no I'm not already pregnant. Believe me. I know...
So I'm reading lots of books about 2nd pregnancies and they are all encouraging with great tid bits like:
* Your second labor isn't as long
* Morning sickness is way less severe to non existant
* You don't get those pains because your stomach has already stretched and the muscles are relaxed.
*Usually 2nd episiotomies are rare
But then there are the not so great things like:
*I was induced, so really I don't know that my 1st labor of 9 hours was accurate
*Exhaustion is higher when you can't rest like you did in your first pregnancy with another child to care for
*Excessive emotions are more common, more crying, guilt, etc.
It's just a lot to handle! And I've weighed both the pros and cons of a second pregnancy and a second baby like you would not believe. Is it better to wait? Is it better to go ahead? What about Kyan? What about our marriage? Do we have the space? Can we afford it? Is my health okay or should I not wait until it deteriorates?
I've basically come to this conclusion. I love Kyan and I love that he is (or thinks he is) independent and loves to help me and be with me. I love him more than anything and while we're at a good place where we can communicate now, I think he's still young enough that a new baby wouldn't throw him out of wack completely! At any stage there are going to be changes, but it's not enough to throw him into a big regression. I don't plan to potty train him until he's atleast 3 and by that time the baby, hopefully, will be around 6 months old and it won't be that bad. I also have great support in my parents and grandparents if I need a break and if I need help and they help so much already that I know they'll love 2 kids just as much if not more than 1. I also don't want a big age gap. I love my sister and we're friends and all but 5 years is too much.
Of course I think, will I be able to love him and have moments alone with him, and yes, I will. I know that I will always have a special bond with Kyan because he's my firstborn and all mothers have that. With him needing special care as a newborn with his reflux it makes him that much more dear to me because I realize how fleeting it is to have a newborn and to care for a baby and then to slowly see them not needing as much care.
I just dont' want to be "The couple with a baby." I want to be "Table for four".
So, I guess we're embarking on the next phase in our life. Babies anyone? |
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Alias: SNM
Hometown: Farmington, WV, United States
About Me: SMN is currently a S@HM who resides in the Senior Citizen capital of the world. Amongst her many talents are writing, tiptoeing through the mind field that is her living room, saving run away strollers, lacing any comment with sarcasm, and changing a diaper in 10 seconds flat. Her greatest achievements are birthing Thing One and Thing Two. Ongoing projects include diving into the world of blogging, weaning an aggressive breast feeder, parenting and all it's challenges, and being a wife she can live with (as well as her husband).
See my profile...
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