Daily Musings From the Mommy Cave

Friday, March 28, 2008

I'm jumping the gun slightly but I want to be prepared. I didn't and am very forthcoming about the fact that I didn't get the birth I wanted last time. I feel like I was robbed in a way of things that I see most women had when they gave birth. It's partly my fault for being inexperienced, young, and not questioning and sticking up for myself, but mostly it was because the Dr was a boob and I to this day dislike and wished I had sued him or atleast strongly complained.

I really have been trying to decide what to do as far as the Labor and Delivery (L&D) part because on my first visit I plan to discuss everything with my OBGYN so that I know early on if we are compatible or if I need to go elsewhere for my prenatal/postnatal care. I don't think it will be a problem, but I just want to be upfront about things this time and actively involved and aware. For starters, I'm not going to be a guinea pig and let them talk me into every stupid unnecessary test coming and going. I did refuse 1 last time because I finally realized I could do that and because there was no need for any type of genetic testing when we weren't even candidates with a history of that disease or a few other we had already let them stick me for in the beginning. A baby is a baby and I want it no matter what so why test for all these diseases "just in case" if you already told me that nothing will change in the long run regarding the rest of the pregnancy, it's just so there are no surprises when they say "It's a..!"

So, I talked to Jared a sec about it last night and decided that there are things we need to consider. My list is:

Who will watch Kyan when we're off to the hospital - My parents. He has spent the night with them before, he trusts and is comfortable with them. They are closer physically in location and emotionally/bonded to him.
Who will be in the delivery room? Jared, myself, the medical staff, some amniotic fluid, a baby eventually and my Mom (which we will call when the labor is getting more active so she can witness the birth and help coach and so forth like last time.)
Who will be in the waiting room? Nobody. I don't want visitors immediately after the birth, I don't want people sitting in there playing on cell phones, calling, texting, downloading, etc. I need my Dad and sister to take care of Kyan and my Mom to coach and it's a private thing and I don't want anyone seeing me like that besides them. I also don't feel like entertaining anyone so we'll call everyone when it's over and we're settled. My grandmothers prefer it this way and respect it as they did last time and I now know was for a reason. Wise as they are.
Visitors in Hospital: I will see visitors the next day after breakfast and for a short visit. I need time to rest, heal, and nurse my infant and get a good feeding pattern down. I also want to enjoy and bond with my newborn. I want it to be with my immediate family only meaning parents and siblings.
Visitors in Home: Nobody that first week or so!!! I'm sorry. I have a newborn and I'll have a 2 1/2 year old. I need time and I don't want to worry about cleaning up, nursing, bathing if I don't have the chance, and entertaining people. I also will be exhausted, gross and sore, and not in the mood. I may even be rude enough not to answer the door or phone. I'm sorry. I need to get a routine down and take care of my Kyan and show him that nothing has really changed, just a new person to love. Last time I let people come the day after we got home from the hospital. NEVER AGAIN!
The only help I need is my husband and my Mom to come occasionally. Period.

So I could tell that I offended dear hubby, and I didn't mean it to seem that way but of course he took it as "You don't want my family involved!" Honestly though, he gets so moody and unpleasant when they visit or we go there that I don't need the stress. I also don't feel like it's beneficial to us that he doesn't want this to be a private thing. This could be our last baby and I want a private time, I want it to be peaceful and all about us as a family coming together. I just don't see where he sees the same thing and I want him to like with so many other things. I want him to take more of an interest like he did last time. To trust me. To see things that I'm going to need help with or need handled or that are important to me this time.. soooo important. I also want more imput, thought and emotion. I dunno. I just don't want stress or arguments when we're not even pregnant, just considering.

posted by SNM at 12:24 AM -

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