When dear hubby was going through his divorce and other issues he lived with a few friends with whom he worked with. They were a couple who had a nice place for him to crash and share the rent and what not. After we started dating and life took it’s course he fell out of touch with these friends and all the “Let’s keep in touch, have dinner sometime!” and birth announcements, birthday and wedding invitation, and what not just aren’t enough to maintain relationships when you’re moving on and doing different things.
I’m not the jealous type. Even when I was getting cheated on, I wasn’t ever jealous. I was more about figuring out what was going on and over analyzing it to death before doing the post mortem after the fact so I didn’t repeat the pattern. I’m just not really threatened by other girls with my hubby anyways. I’m well aware that he’d wreck the car breaking his neck to see a Mustang driving by than a pretty girl. He just can’t help it. Often I want to reach over to see if he’s getting a hard on when we see a pony in a particularly rare color. Not that I’m sure he doesn’t think girls are pretty or notice what they’re wearing and compare. It’s in our nature to do these things. I go to the store to pick out an outfit in mind for him based on what I see other guys his age or around there wearing, both weighing his tastes and the odds that he’ll even take them out of the bag.
But in the back of your mind you always wonder. It’s an unwritten rule that you should ask about a person’s sex and or dating life when you’re in a really settled and intimate relationship. If not for health reasons but for general “bring it up now and never again” and also to compare and contrast how you fit into them. With my husband I had to weigh in an ex-wife of only a year or so. I never leafed through their wedding album, but I do know that she was slightly shorter than me, blonde where I’m brunette, straight hair where I’m naturally curly, and our tastes in couture or lack there of is definitely wrong (verifying the $400 credit card debt on the separation papers from Victoria’s Secret that I happened to notice one day while cleaning out our safety box containing important papers like birth certificates, marriage license, etc.) but you always wonder about the other girls. Ones who didn’t make it as far as dating, the friend who was just too much like your sister, the girl who was in love with someone else, the friend with benefits, and the friend who never broached the subject of dating so you didn’t either but always wondered.
So when my husband called today to say, “Guess who called me at work and wants to meet for lunch tomorrow!?” I could tell that any qualms I had about it were going to have to be snuffed because he was so excited. And it’s not like I’m jealous of this girl because she’s happily married to the same guy, and I’m sure it’s just a “catch up” thing and nothing else. It’s not like I’m shredding his shirts with my knife set and scribbling “ATLEAST WEAR A CONDOM BECAUSE IF SHE GETS PREGNANT BEFORE ME I’LL SLIT MY WRISTS!” in red lipstick across the bathroom mirror for him to see first thing in the morning. I’m also not questioning any motives on his part or making a big deal about it, nor am I depressed that he’s excited about it and not really noticing that he never really gets that excited about going out with his ol’ ball and chain. And in the end I’m sure she’ll drop off the face of the earth again just like before. It just happens. I have friends who’ve done this, who pop in and out, and some who just do the Christmas card thing.
Still you wonder. It doesn’t help that he has pictures of the good times and one of them cuddled on the couch. It strikes me as odd that the one thing he says he loved the most and was attracted to was my naturally curly brunette hair… which she also has, or the fact that she has the cutesy smile and I try so hard not to use a fake smile because I can’t really hold one that well, and she can go without make up and look fresh and fair while I feel as though I looked washed out if I don’t atleast use a tinted moisturizer and some big sunglasses and lipstick before going out. Oprah says you should never go outside the house without your earrings after all!
So how do you do it? What do you do when your guy’s BFF is a girl who looks like you but a little better?
When I figure it out. I’ll let you know.