| Going to the gyno, should I paint my toenails? |
I was reading this question in a lady's magazine (forgive me that I don't know which one mostly because I've gotten enough blow job tips from Cosmo that all relatively say the same thing that I've kinda given up on paying $4 to read them. I also really don't care for a magazine where a "bargain" shirt is in the $75-100 range. I don't believe in buying something to look good once and then have a sippy cup leak on it.) anyways, I was reading this question and a girl actually asked if gynocologists prefer your pubic hair to be a certain way: au naturale, brazillian, bare, shaped, trimmed, etc. Because when someone is shoving something that resembles a longer version of a pipe wrench up my vagina, and then swabbing around with something that looks like a cross between a pipe cleaner and a mascara wand, I'm really thinking, "Oh! I hope Dr. PinkParts sees that I took the time to trim up before coming to the office!" WHAT?!
But what is our obsession with looks when we go to the OBGYN? Like you go to your regular physician with snot dripping out of your nose and discuss how you almost didn't make it to the bathroom and then was sitting on the pot almost shitting yourself and throwing up in to the bathtub at the same time. Or you take your kid to the Pedi and look like June Cleaver and your kid is pressed and dressed when the day before you kept wondering "Did I brush my teeth today or put deoderant on?" because you were pretty sure you only did one or the other. I remember in my second trimester I would go into the OB office looking really cute and coordinated in my little maternity shirt that showed everyone "I'm showing!! Yay!!" and then wrestle with asking my Dr. what hemmoroids felt like and if it was normal that my gag reflex was semi good to go with brushing my teeth but not even going there with giving my husband head.
You go into the Gyno and you wear good underwear and not the ones that look faded and like swiss cheese but you can't part with your lucky undies! You make sure that you're clean and fresh, legs shaved, and eventhough you hate the paper gowns and would rather just strip really fast before a random nurse or the Dr comes in a little too early, you slip on the paper gown, drop your clothes from underneath and then spend time folding up your clothes and tucking all "unmentionables" underneath. What is up with that?!
Tonight I found myself looking at my toenails, which I paint relatively only for my own personal benefit because aside from when I'm doing it in front of him, nobody notices them except Kyan. I started thinking, "I wonder if I should paint them too? I did my nails, they're good but the toes look like there's a shortage of nail polish remover so I'm seeing how long before they all chip off." then that "AND the gyno will be down there..." and I thought, "WHOA! Am I really going to paint my toenails just because my Dr is going to be spreading them, and might get a glimpse at my chipped toenails vs a hacked paint job that probably won't wear off the excess before my appointment?!"
Needless to say, I've settled on the fact that I'm going to trim them, and remove the polish but for my own personal benefit and not because my Dr is pregnant and can't see her toes so she'll probably be looking at mine like, "Oh. That's what those look like. I remember!" And I might even leave my bra on top of my clothes, and... steady now.. I might wear my panties with the flip flops on them that I have relatively no bra to match, and DA-DA-DA-DAAAH!!! I might even let them be on top of the stack of discarded clothes! Holy Cow! What a rebel! |
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| Thank you sir, may I have another? |
They say that the world is made for a 4 person family, and I guess that's true. I mean, growing up you always heard little girls talk about how their ideal family was to grow up and get married and have a little boy and a little girl. I mean, isn't that the dreams that kids make up? Then they grow up, find out what sex is, have their first pregnancy scare, and come to the realization that either after a tramatic (either for them or their parents) young adulthood or a horrible pregnancy/birthing experience that they'd rather only have a certain sex or a certain number of kids. Let's face it, in the first few minutes of active labor we don't often hear "This is SO horribly painful, gross, and beyond my comfort level. I never thought it'd be anything other than birthing a clean 4 month old baby like on t.v. and here it is, messy and blowing my mind. I seriously want to go get knocked up the minute I get the green light!" (Although, the topic of the girl who goes to her 6 week postnatal check up and hears "Um. You're pregnant. Didn't someone tell you to wait until you got the okay by a medical professional to have sex?" is for a different time.
It just bogs my mind that almost the minute after you bring that baby home (or even the minute you're allowed visitors after giving birth) some jackass has to say, "SO! Ready for another one?!" Are you freakin' kidding me?! Sure! When the first person said that to me after giving birth to my son my mind couldn't even wrap around why someone would say that to a new Mother/parent. It's like someone saying, "Well now, who gets dibbs on the widow?" at a funeral. What are you thinking?!
So why is it that once you have your first child it gives everyone the right to ask about your biological timeline? My MIL kept asking from around the time that Kyan was 5-6 months old when we were thinking of having a second child because "I got pregnant before you were 1 with your brother!" Oooohhkay.. After I heard that story about 20 times in the course of 20 conversations I almost wanted to say, "Well... the next time that your son and I are deciding between a blowjob or full on screwing, I'll call you and let you decide!" And why is it that complete strangers feel the need to inquire about your most private things before leading up to the question? I had a lady who was a friend of the family who said to me in the grocery store of all places, "Is he a good baby? He doesn't seem to be fussy. So you think you're ready for another anytime soon?" Like judging by the fact that he's sitting in a shopping cart is any indication that I should procreate because this is apparently his normal behavior. It's not that he got a free cookie from the bakery or two isles ago I had to rush to find some goldfish crackers and open the bag to keep him good to go for the rest of the shopping trip.
What I want to know is when you do have a second child, do people ask about your third one? Does having your second one just automatically stop all the irritatingly intrusive questions? And if you yourself mention a third baby, do people look at you in horror like, "You really want more than two?" as if them asking you "Aside from the episiotomy, the epidural that didn't take completely, first month of diagnosing him with GERD/Reflux, and the anemia and getting used to progesterone only birth control pills, I think you should have another one as soon as possible, don't you?" wasn't inappropriate if not horribly tactless in and of itself.
And all of this is assuming that someone didn't have undisclosed fertility issues or problems getting pregnant, or issues and complications during pregnancy or during labor and delivery to begin with! I can't imagine some insensitive jerk coming up to me and saying "So, now you're ready for another one" after I've had multiple miscarriages! I almost want to go make a t-shirt on Cafepress that says, "I just gave birth, ask my husband if he's ready for another one!" or "Why, are you offering a sperm sample?" or "If you carry it and pop it out!" or "Sorry, the stitches havn't healed down there". What's scary is that some people still wouldn't get the point! |
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| A natural disaster seems like the perfect time to jack up the price of gas! |
The general panic has hit quicker than Jim Cantore's (the Oatmeal Man as I refer to him because of his outpouring of love for oatmeal at various times during his comentary on The Weather Channel) hard-on when he turned the calendar and realized it was HURRICANE SEASON!! You know what I'm talking about, "Oh no! Hurricanes a coming! Oh the oil refineries!" and to which the great gasoline tycoons are all saying "Ah yippiee! ah yippiee!" and doing the Charleston on their nice granite floored mansions.
I love how all my life there has been one distinct season where the idiocracy was just amazing! It happens each year in my great state when the snow starts to fall. If you even mention accumulation, let alone in terms like feet or double didget inches, it seemed like you wouldn't want to even go near a grocery store and heaven forbid if you ran out of the necessities like milk or toilet paper at the same time as a "big storm" was coming or a cold front because you were just shit out of luck. Now it seems like there's another season to worry about and what sucks the most is that I live in a land locked state. Hurricane Season!
As if our economy isn't bad enough and people are making huge cut backs just to stay affloat and on top of things, cutting back luxary items which are hardly even luxorious, but we now have to prepare to budget more than a few extra dollars just because a hurricane may or may not take out some of our oil refineries. We don't even KNOW what's going to happen and if they'll be hit hard but in preparation for this prediction, let's go ahead and raise gas another 15-50 cents overnight and make everyone rush for the gas pumps. It's bad enough that you have to wager a few extra miles to get a few cents cheaper gas and that a nickel more at the pumps means a tighter grocery budget, but to do it without even knowing if there is a need for it is ridiculous.
What galls me to the bone is that now they're throwing around threats on how it could be $5 or $6 very shortly. WHAT?! Like I can really afford to pay that much for gas. On average when it raised to $3 we were paying about $200 every 1 1/2 weeks if we conserved, if it raises to $5 we won't have to worry about bargain shopping for diapers and complaining about the cost of raising a child, we'll have to wager the need for basic things like fresh fruit being more than just a need to a luxury just to make sure we can afford to drive to work to get the money to pay for the needs and the bills and the gas to get there again for another week. A family of 3 on a 1 person income just cannot do it and it's getting to the point where a family of 2 on a 2 person salary is cutting corners to keep things in check.
What is going on with our world that this is continuing to be allowed to happen and what's worse that it's becoming accepted as just another injustice but way of life that we need to just get used to no matter how unfair! |
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| I'd take a bullet in the ass for her! |
I'm watching RW/RR The Island challenge. Yes, I'm that sad. It's a guilty pleasure and I have so few that I let this one slide. My first initial take on it is that once again I miss all the old school people and that the San Diego cast is by far the most contiuously entertaining people ever to grace MTV's Reality TV Endeavors. Atleast the SuperLesbian is back but I'm sad she didn't bring her Veronica with her.
We're definately lacking the bat shit crazy people from before. I hate to admit that I miss Brooke. I like how her face got puffy when she went schizo. I also miss the illustriously gay dynamic on this show as well. Tyler anybody? I guess they did throw us a bone with Ryan but he's yet to be hillarious IMHO.
I ultimately am left wondering:
If they couldn't give them toilet paper then why did they give them condoms and alcohol?
Are we going to have to watch Kenny and Johanna do soft porn all season?
Will Kenny be more than a mouth without Evan and his usual crew?
Where's BRAD!?
Aside from Tonya, who will be the first girl to completely lose it? Usually I'd bet on Paula Walnuts, but Colie looks pretty good.
When will Ev get her penile implant? You could play a drinking game with her eye rolls, scowls, and "I just wanna be a BOY!" pleads for help.
Speaking of eye rolls, THANK GOD that Casey is taking a break from this challenge!
Will it be as entertaining without actual missions and will Kenny work into every episode that he's soooo good looking?
On the plus side, I do enjoy Cohutta being on there. I would actually name my child after him because I am so entertained by him. The best part of last night was his synopsis of his relationship with KellyAnn and her implants. "We decided to stay friends. Still love her. I'd take a bullet in the ass for her!" Damn you and your poetics, Cohutta! |
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| Where's Dr. Feelgood? |
I feel like the only way I'll be able to get a few minutes with a Dr. is by listening to "Dr. Feelgood" by Motley Crue. Seriously. So my OBGYN that I LOVED from my last/first pregnancy has seemed to vanish into thin air. I can't even find a lead on her. I went to extreme measures to even look to see if she had a personal home phone number published in the new phonebook just so that I could establish that she's even living in this general area. I'm that desperate and in love with this particular OBGYN from her tattooed foot and crazy hair dye to the way that she apologized and sympathized at each thing she did while you're feet are above your head as you get examined. As much as I love the Midwife nurse that I saw last year in her place because she was sick at the time of my appointment and I got juggled to someone else, she still wouldn't be a Dr I could have as my obstetrics specialist so what's the point? I finally gave in today and called the insurance to check to make sure it was on the up and up and I'm going to have my primary care physician see me to do my annual gyno exam. What fun.
It's not that I don't love her, I honestly do! Best Dr I've had since I left my Pediatrician to be exact, but there is one thing. She's pregnant. Ugh! Not only that but I told her back in May when I saw her last that I was trying again and thought I might be pregnant and now, here it is, Sept. and nothing. Which is okay because I know that if anyone will help me out it will be here because she's very precise about everything she needs to do to correctly diagnose and treat you, but I don't want to seem like a hypocondriac when I go in there on Sept. whatever and say, "Okay. I'v been off my BC Pills since March, irregular periods since then, trying like hell, nothing's happening. I also feel crappy. I need my thyroid and my iron checked. Please let me lay down while you do it because I'm a fainter. Thanks."
I mean, what person over 60 goes in there and wants tests done before they hit the waiting room. I've pretty much made even the receptionist have a nosebleed from my questions anyways so why not go to the head honcho with the M.D. and boss around my checklist of things. And what's worse is that I'm about 2 days from my latest time I've gotten a period, and 1 negative pregnancy test but still could be pregnant and already I'm holy cowing it up. What loon does this?! Oh the migrane I'm giving myself. You'd think with all this torture that I'd be a tie me up and whip me type girl, but alas... just an emotionally psychological sadist, not a physical one. |
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| The phone... the phone is RINGing! |
I think that I enjoy The Wonder Pets as equally as my 2 year old. Please, please hold off from the psychoanalysis. Tonight they premiered the "Save the Begal Tiger" movie and about five minutes before it came on, Daddy took Ky to the playground for a few minutes and my heart sank because I was not watching the time to say "HOLD IT! NO! WONDER PETS ARE ON!"
And it isn't to say that they won't replay it about 20 million times like they did the Go Diego Go: Diego Saves the Moon movie (which I almost lost my mind watching all 20 million times!) and thanks to them for doing so because after they advertise that it's coming to DVD over and over again for a month leading up to it, and the fact that they charge ridiculous amounts of money for a kid show DVD, they should let us watch it on TV first. I also appreciate that it's not mindless like Spongebob (yes, I'm anti-Spongebob) and all his burping and yodel-laughing idiocy. It's nice to know that there is still quailty educational television that isn't filled with mindless bathroom humor as filler. It makes me feel like the Save the Mr. Rogers Campaign is totally worth it even if it doesn't fail, just to give some voice to those of us who don't like our kids to pick up dirty habits from the cartoons they see on TV during daytime hours. In my world, only the educational preschool shows would be shown from 9a.m.-5p.m. after that they can show all the more mindless things because that's when my child isn't going to come into contact with the tv. Yes, I let my kid watch t.v. in the daytime. Big whoop! It's not like I tie him to a chair and force him to have it babysit him or I don't screen it. He sits with it on in the room and sometimes he watches the whole half hour show and sometimes he just plays with it on in the background and he interacts where he wants to interact and if not then he sits and looks at a book or zooms his cars, does a puzzle or plays with his little people stuff. He picks more things up off of books and shows than he does people 80% of the time. If there were books that spoke 2 year old language about potty training step by step, he'd probably do it self taught. If not for Sesame Street reiterating what I was telling him, the ABCS and 123s would've taken a little longer to put together in an order. I'm all for it!
Having said all of that, I'm now off to go and mark the new Wonder Pet movie the next time it comes on so that we can sit and watch it together and enjoy the antics of Lenny, Tuck and our personal favorite, Ming Ming. |
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| Can Tina Fey come back and cameo on SNL until after the election season? Please! |
This election season makes me saddened that Tina Fey isn't on SNL any longer. I definately think she'd make a great Sarah Palin and am only more saddened that there isn't really anyone else who could pull her off that is part of the cast right now.
I actually watched part of her speech the other night, and although I do think that she'd be a great lady to go do a Mom's Night Out with, I just don't think she's a strong VP candidate. Think of it, McCain has the big one and is in critical care and we're stuck with the former Miss Alaska and her Hockey Mom glory to lead us through the crisis. It just isn't favorable in my opinion. I also don't see how someone who has a son who is deploying in a few short days to Iraq could be objectionable to anything related to patriotism or the war. I agree it gives her great insight, and I think that there's probably a lesser chance of him being in a great deal of danger versus Joe Army who enlisted but doesn't have a Mom as a V.P. Candidate, but we've been using patriotism and who's more of an American as a platform and a cop out for everything since 9/11, why can't we give it a rest already?! Lee Greenwood is probably as tired as I am of hearing "I'm Proud To Be An American.." at the drop of the hat. |
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Alias: SNM
Hometown: Farmington, WV, United States
About Me: SMN is currently a S@HM who resides in the Senior Citizen capital of the world. Amongst her many talents are writing, tiptoeing through the mind field that is her living room, saving run away strollers, lacing any comment with sarcasm, and changing a diaper in 10 seconds flat. Her greatest achievements are birthing Thing One and Thing Two. Ongoing projects include diving into the world of blogging, weaning an aggressive breast feeder, parenting and all it's challenges, and being a wife she can live with (as well as her husband).
See my profile...
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