| Going to the gyno, should I paint my toenails? |
I was reading this question in a lady's magazine (forgive me that I don't know which one mostly because I've gotten enough blow job tips from Cosmo that all relatively say the same thing that I've kinda given up on paying $4 to read them. I also really don't care for a magazine where a "bargain" shirt is in the $75-100 range. I don't believe in buying something to look good once and then have a sippy cup leak on it.) anyways, I was reading this question and a girl actually asked if gynocologists prefer your pubic hair to be a certain way: au naturale, brazillian, bare, shaped, trimmed, etc. Because when someone is shoving something that resembles a longer version of a pipe wrench up my vagina, and then swabbing around with something that looks like a cross between a pipe cleaner and a mascara wand, I'm really thinking, "Oh! I hope Dr. PinkParts sees that I took the time to trim up before coming to the office!" WHAT?!
But what is our obsession with looks when we go to the OBGYN? Like you go to your regular physician with snot dripping out of your nose and discuss how you almost didn't make it to the bathroom and then was sitting on the pot almost shitting yourself and throwing up in to the bathtub at the same time. Or you take your kid to the Pedi and look like June Cleaver and your kid is pressed and dressed when the day before you kept wondering "Did I brush my teeth today or put deoderant on?" because you were pretty sure you only did one or the other. I remember in my second trimester I would go into the OB office looking really cute and coordinated in my little maternity shirt that showed everyone "I'm showing!! Yay!!" and then wrestle with asking my Dr. what hemmoroids felt like and if it was normal that my gag reflex was semi good to go with brushing my teeth but not even going there with giving my husband head.
You go into the Gyno and you wear good underwear and not the ones that look faded and like swiss cheese but you can't part with your lucky undies! You make sure that you're clean and fresh, legs shaved, and eventhough you hate the paper gowns and would rather just strip really fast before a random nurse or the Dr comes in a little too early, you slip on the paper gown, drop your clothes from underneath and then spend time folding up your clothes and tucking all "unmentionables" underneath. What is up with that?!
Tonight I found myself looking at my toenails, which I paint relatively only for my own personal benefit because aside from when I'm doing it in front of him, nobody notices them except Kyan. I started thinking, "I wonder if I should paint them too? I did my nails, they're good but the toes look like there's a shortage of nail polish remover so I'm seeing how long before they all chip off." then that "AND the gyno will be down there..." and I thought, "WHOA! Am I really going to paint my toenails just because my Dr is going to be spreading them, and might get a glimpse at my chipped toenails vs a hacked paint job that probably won't wear off the excess before my appointment?!"
Needless to say, I've settled on the fact that I'm going to trim them, and remove the polish but for my own personal benefit and not because my Dr is pregnant and can't see her toes so she'll probably be looking at mine like, "Oh. That's what those look like. I remember!" And I might even leave my bra on top of my clothes, and... steady now.. I might wear my panties with the flip flops on them that I have relatively no bra to match, and DA-DA-DA-DAAAH!!! I might even let them be on top of the stack of discarded clothes! Holy Cow! What a rebel! |
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Alias: SNM
Hometown: Farmington, WV, United States
About Me: SMN is currently a S@HM who resides in the Senior Citizen capital of the world. Amongst her many talents are writing, tiptoeing through the mind field that is her living room, saving run away strollers, lacing any comment with sarcasm, and changing a diaper in 10 seconds flat. Her greatest achievements are birthing Thing One and Thing Two. Ongoing projects include diving into the world of blogging, weaning an aggressive breast feeder, parenting and all it's challenges, and being a wife she can live with (as well as her husband).
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